An Update and a Thank You

This blog is starting to collect cobwebs--so I know an update is long overdue. I think I've been putting it off since I wasn't entirely sure what to say. A part of me was hoping I could just skip this update and go straight to telling you that we had been matched with a sweet babe. But that's not the case, so here goes...

When we decided to move forward with adoption instead of continuing with fertility treatments, in the back of mind I thought things would get easier (and faster!). I know now that I was completely mistaken. Our hearts are still 100% behind adoption and we eagerly await our child, but this is just plain hard. It's hard when we go a month without hearing anything from our agency, and it's even harder when babies come up that turn out not to be ours.

So far our family profile has been viewed 5 or 6 times (I've lost count, and I don't particularly want to go back and do a tally). We've heard about birthmothers in their 30s and birthmothers who are 16. African American babies, Hispanic babies, Caucasian babies, biracial babies. 2-year-olds, 2-week-olds, and babies due in 6 months. And all of these children have been placed in loving homes--just not ours. Through our tears, we praise God for those babies and the new families that He has created.

The lies that I tell myself are that no birthmother will ever pick us, that God is being cruel by allowing this roller coaster of emotions into our lives. But God is faithful in reminding me of the truth: He has shown incredible grace to us by taking us down this road, by showing us our utter need for dependence on Him, and replacing our pride with humility. He has taught us to rejoice right now, in the midst of trial, and that He is ALL that we need. "I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'" (Lamentations 3:24) And as I was singing these lyrics, I cringed that I could ever think God was unloving:

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure,
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure.
How great the pain of searing loss –
The Father turns His face away,
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory.

Many of you don't know when we are having a tough week or need an encouraging word, but we have been blown away by the support you have given us right when we need it. We can't thank you enough for the sweet notes, hugs, and prayers that we've received from you. We know that we are loved and so is our future little one! Thank you! We praise God for all of you!